1154 Miles

Reach steep north face of south downs, inner ridge – hidden in the dark.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I have slowly begun to feel a lot better. I fouled that up on the weekend that we moved, but I have been taking good care of myself since then. I am now ready to start again. I know that I lost a lot of momentum over the last several months and that it will take me a while to get back to where I was before I got sick, but I also know that I can do it. I have a new determination to become as healthy as I can. I refuse to sit around and wait for the doctors to tell me that it's time for surgery. Instead, I would like very much to show them that I won't be needing it after all.

And so...  here is the progress I've made since I last posted my miles. Granted, this isn't all that I've done, but it is all I have record of so we'll just go from there.

My goal for June is to walk about a mile each day. It doesn't sound like much, but right now it's a really good start. That won't be the only activity I do, but I'm only keeping the miles here.

Also, for honesty's sake, I should say that I regained all the weight I'd lost when I moved here. Yes, I'm 190 pounds again. So be it, it won't be here very long.

1056.1 Miles

(2.4 treadmill)

I sometimes wonder how long it will take for it to sink into my head that working out makes me feel better. I've had a stressful week and didn't work out as many times as I'd have liked. I'm happy that today's workload was light enough that I had no excuse whatsoever.

Looking back...

Looking back over these last posts... it looks like I haven't been doing that much. I'll admit that I slacked off with the miles (only a couple times on the treadmill, a couple times on the bike, and 3 outdoor walks), and only a little slacking on the weights (twice a week instead of four times). I probably reached the thousand-mile mark last month, but I didn't take pictures, or even really track the miles, so I am not going to guess at them.

I am looking forward to getting back into a set routine over the next few days. I think it helps a lot with various areas of my life.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a wonderfully healthy year ahead.

A step backward

In my Ravelry group there is a thread called Summer Era. In this thread we post goals for two weeks, then recap and revise the goals as needed. These aren't just fitness & health goals, but also goals for our overall well-being. Some of those goals can be clearing out old boxes and decluttering your home and these are good for our mental and spiritual health.

So, my goals for last Session (what we call the 2-week period) were to get running again. Which I did, but not nearly as much as I wanted to. My last time on the treadmill was on Saturday.  I know why and I know that I don't have the will or the energy to change it right now. I've had the daycare kids here for about 14 hours a day. By the time they leave and I get the house cleaned up and take a few minutes to myself, it's well after 8. This might not be a big deal if I wasn't going to bed by 9:30.

I have tried getting on the treadmill and bike after they leave but, by then I feel like lead. There is no joy in completing the miles, and it just feels like castor oil or something (you know, really icky). If I could legally leave the house while they were sleeping each morning I would walk/run around the block a few times or something, but I would get into serious trouble if anything happened while I was out.

So, as much as I wish otherwise, I'm going to lighten my goals for the next session and I'm going to post them here as well as in the Ravelry group.

Week 1 (nearly over already):
- get on the treadmill today if they leave before 5, walk
- get on the treadmill Saturday morning, walk, maybe run
- continue building up the chains, I've been doing half and I want to get all of them done (there are 55 total reps, and the complete round consists of 8 different movements)

Week 2:
- Sunday, get on treadmill again, even though it's Sunday (normally I'm busy until 6 or 7, which would seem a bad time to do this, but I feel relaxed and content with life and I do believe that makes all the difference), walk, maybe run
- continue working on the chains
- Friday & Saturday, get on treadmill walk, maybe run

Okay, the main reason this really upsets me is that I won't be able to reach my goal of running 3.1 miles by my birthday. This bothers me on so many levels I can't even describe it. I know it's not really that big of a deal since I'm still putting in effort, but I really wanted to start out my next year on a different track. Yes, I've looked back at my progress and am pretty happy with that, but I wanted more. So much more. Once these kids are back in school (August 27th) I will be able to shift my training into high gear. I know that, realistically, I won't be able to push myself (without injury) to run that distance in 3 weeks. Instead I will push myself to get as far along as possible. Until then, I will keep doing other physical activities that will help bring strength and endurance to my body.

Whoever reads this, please keep in mind that there are times when it's important to evaluate what really will be right to do. Listen to your body. Nudge it, push to the limit, but don't go so far over the edge that you feel like giving up completely.

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Edit: Okay, my trainer told me some cool news -

Here’s the thing. You don’t need to go back to the C25K program. You need to get on the treadmill and warm up then RUN. Run for as long as you can and then hop off and catch your breath for a few seconds and then start running again. (This is because of the way your treadmill adjusts. I would have you walk otherwise.) Run at a slower pace than you usually do for your intervals. I’d try running at 5.0-5.4 and see how long you can run. The intervals you described to me are speed work. You need some easy runs in there too. The easy runs help you extend your distance. The speed work helps you improve your time. Right now you just want to run for 3 miles. You are not looking to break any speed records. I wish I were there with you. I’d have you run 3 miles today. I know you can do it!

So, provided the kids leave early enough, I will be trying this out. I'll use a stopwatch to keep my time and figure my distance that way... which means I won't get a picture, but I'll take a picture of the stopwatch instead.

Sometimes it just takes knowing that someone is cheering you on and has faith in you to keep your spirits up enough to push harder.

Quiet...

I can't help but wonder if anyone really reads this. I'm sure some of my friends do, I wonder about the rest of the world.

If you happen to be wondering why I've not posted in a while, I'll tell you. I have a hard time being deceitful. A seriously hard time. Even telling a half-truth while keeping silent about the rest just eats away at me. Strange, huh? So, what does that have to do with this blog? I haven't been telling the whole truth about my miles. Before you jump to the wrong conclusion, I'm not adding miles to my progress. And I'm very honest about where I am at the 30 minute mark. But I haven't been telling the whole story. And, while most (if not all) of you may shake your head and say that it doesn't matter, it matters to me.

I can't tell you what my actual miles are right now. After the end of the month I will be able to tell it all. Why? Because I have a goal that I'm trying to reach. And I've not told some very important people about it yet.

So, in the meantime, I won't be posting my miles. I won't be posting pictures of the treadmill or the bike. I will share about belly dancing and chains and strength training, but that's it. Because I can share all of that without telling half-truths.

Yes, my honesty matters that much to me.